He's Here!

August 4, 6:03 pm

My baby boy is here!  You never think you could love another child as much as you love your first, but somehow there is enough love to go around.  It's only been one day and yet, it feels like I've been loving D for a long time.

Of course, my water broke after a long day (with no nap) + late dinner party at a family member's house.  I was exhausted and half asleep on the couch when I felt a sharpe twinge and contraction at midnight.  Then I went pee and it just never stopped gushing.  I recognized this sensation and started immediately gathering my things (my bag was already 95% packed).  My dr was on call and affirmed that I should come in right away.  Woke up the hubs and then sat in the car waiting while it felt like he took his sweet time (10 minutes felt like an eternity). 

I honestly thought that I would be eating breakfast the next morning having had a baby.  However, from midnight to 6:30 am, I dilated 2 cm from 3 cm.  At some point in there, I got an epidural as the low back pain was pretty intense.  Then from 6:30 am - 8:30 am, I dilated 3 cm to 8 cm.  Then, after a whole lot of nothing, I started getting Pitocin to kick things into gear.  Lunchtime passed and I still was only at 9 cm for a long, long time.  Then, it was mid-to-late afternoon and finally at 10 cm.  I pushed and pushed and nothing was happening.  I was bummed because I felt like it was my fault bec my doctor kept telling me I was pushing in the wrong areas.  Instead of, "You can do it!" which my nurse kept saying, my doctor kept criticizing my technique.  I wasn't pushing in a sustained way.  I was pushing into the wrong areas, etc.  SO, the next step was more Pitocin and turning off the epidural.  This ended up being the worst pain I have ever felt in my life.  Baby was sunny-side up, so my low back was burning.  I was screaming and yelling like they do on TV, it was MISERY.  The reason things had gone on as long as they did (15 hours up to this point) was that I was determined to not have a c-section, which my dr supported.  After about two hours of pushing, I was done, "Get the baby out of me."  Between that decision and the actual c-section, I feel like 30 min passed.  It was amazing.  At one point, for a split second when my eyes were actually open, I saw like 9 people in the room.  I screamed and wailed as my bed was wheeled into the operating room, before the pain meds kicked in.  Then it was heaven -- the tugging and pulling of the C-section was super creepy and not totally pleasant, but nothing compared to the pain that I had been going through previously.  Then the baby was out and DH and I just started crying.  It was such a relief, in more ways than one. 

It's been 26 hours since I've given birth and I am now a free woman with the catheter out, the IV hand needle dealie-bob out, oxygen tube gone, no more vitals being checked all the time, eating real food, being able to move, etc.  I am about to take my first shower since Friday.  I am also able to walk around now... woot!

OMG, I realize I left out a KEY piece of info that explains the c-section as well... D was 8 lbs 11.4 oz!!  And I am 5' 1", originally 113 lbs.  So that was a big (ha, ha) issue.

So being that D is so big, we are having to supplement with formula every 2 hours.  His blood sugar was measuring low, so he has had to have his heel pricked every 2-3 hours since yesterday.  : (  It's now on the up and up and he just has to pass one more test, otherwise, we would have to admit him to the NICU.  : (  I have to pump every 3 hours, even though I am basically pumping dust. 

I don't understand why, evolutionarily speaking, women don't get their milk in for so long...

Anyway, I'm hoping that my milk will come in w/o any problems (I had no probs w/ DS#1, but with c-sections, I've heard scary stories) -- I really value breastfeeding and really want to be able to do it with #2! 

I'm really tired and unfocused, so hope this all makes sense!

Will post again when my mind is more clear!

Basically, I adore my baby and am SO thankful for him (and CCRM's help in getting him here)!

39w: No baby yet...

I was hoping that by now, we'd have met #2.  Especially because DS was 2 weeks early so as soon as it was 38w, I was anticipating labor.  Right now, my hands are puffy and my joints are sore (so fine motor skills like squeezing toothpaste are a challenge), my feet look like pillowy mini-loaves of bread and I walk like an old lady.  I also sleep horribly and am perpetually exhausted.  (Yesterday, I woke up at 8 am and took at nap at 10 am).  Didn't appreciate when last night, my BiL commented that it looked like I had two babies in me.

Didn't help either that on Tuesday, when I saw my Dr., she said I was 2.5 cm and 50% effaced, so that added to my anticipation.  I've read that women in that same position have both gone into labor right away or been in that state for weeks.  Also, very early morning on Friday, at 4:30 am-ish, I had about an hour of contractions, so that threw me off, but they were clearly irregular and temporary.  At one moment, I was like, "Darn!  Now I can't watch the Opening Ceremonies!" 

Anyway, of course, I want Baby to be fully cooked and healthy, and am very thankful to be in this position, but I'm just tired of being uncomfortable and need to gripe.  It would be nice if he came this week versus after 40weeks...

Baby -- if you can hear me, I'm ready!  We're all ready and excited to meet you and give our love to you! 

Okay, ice baths for my feet and hands await...

Home Stretch!

Technically, I'm at 37w5d.  However, DS arrived 2 weeks early.  So things could be happening any moment now.  Nursery is done.  Hospital bag is mostly packed.  Carseat is installed.  Registered at the hospital.  Most of the big things are organized, but I still have so many things I want to organize (but in reality, it's no big deal if I don't get to my recipes -- see how obsessive this nesting can get?).  I have never done the "traditional" update, so I'm doing a variation of it this time.

Total Weight Gain: At my last appointment, I held steady at 156 lbs for over a week.  Phew.  I was probably at 120 lbs during IVF... So while I'm big for me, at least I'm not quite at Mariah Carey or Jessica Simpson levels.

Sleep: I dug out some old wrist guards from old injuries and they are helping with the arm/hand numbness.  If I didn't have to pee, I can actually sleep through the night!  I was so happy to figure this out, because I was starting to dread sleep.

Movement: Not a ton, but it's there.  At my 36w u/s, the head was confirmed to be facing down.  I get twinges here and there in my lower uterus, but not BH contractions or anything. 

Symptoms: Swollen hands and feet, particularly in the morning and night.  I have taken to soaking my feet in an ice bath (using a big canning pot) and then my hands in mixing bowls.  It's quite a sight.  Does provide some relief.  Also, hanging out in the pool while DS swims/plays has been another reliever.  My feet looked normal, which was a rare sight!  The swelling also contributes to joint pain.  It's hard to use a pen or do fine motor types of things.  Another weird/annoying symptom was that my teeth/jaw felt all out of whack for a while.  Then, things got totally misaligned and eating hurt and I couldn't bite down evenly on my teeth/jaw.  Just as I made a chiro appointment, things popped back into place upon waking one morning.  Phew.  It was a bummer when one of my biggest loves (eating) caused pain.

What I miss: Being able to move around easily.  Sleeping in any position.

What I look forward to: Meeting our new little boy!  While there is no reason to think otherwise, I am still nervous about having a healthy delivery/little baby.  But no matter what, we will love him to pieces...

Okay, on my agenda today: more organizing/puttering, some baking (we are having company tonight and tomorrow -- gotta squeeze in every last bit of socializing!!)...
I probably won't update again til the little guy makes his appearance.  Unless he's late...

Have a good weekend y'all!

Voila - the Nursery!

Starting from the right side of the room, going to the left.  Painted the ceiling and the walls (after sanding off the weird stucco texture).  Removed weird old fluorescent light fixtures and dark soffits.

Befores and afters:

Before

After

Before

After

Before - we ditched a lot of crap!!  Like old electronics...

After - I made those curtains, the artwork and painted the bookshelf, which I got from Craig's List.

Before

After - IKEA crib

Today is DH's and my 10th wedding anniversary!  Fancy French food for dinner... maybe we'll take a trip next year or do something more substantial when I'm not uber-preggo.

36.5 weeks

Thought I'd write during a moment where my hands are not aching from joint pain.  I'm experiencing the full puff of swollen-ness in my hands and feet.  Even Crocs are snug on my feet.  When I wake up, I cannot make a fist.  I also wake up several times a night with no feeling in my hands and have to shake it out.  A byproduct of the swollen hands is joint pain -- I find it difficult to write, squeeze toothpaste, etc, etc.  I feel like an old lady!  When I drive, I cannot be at "10 and 2," otherwise I lose feeling in my hands.  I have to keep my hands down low.

Yesterday, I had my 36 week appointment -- had a (way too) quick ultrasound which confirmed that the baby's head is down.  Also, I now weigh 156 pounds, which is a record for me.  4 pounds in 2 weeks!  At this rate, I will definitely crack 160. 

DH has a job interview in FL coming up, not scheduled yet.  I'm deathly afraid of having to go through labor alone... When DS was arriving, he was also in FL, but came back in time (helped that my water broke but I had no contractions so things were slow).

Also went to a refresher childbirth class this week -- it was good to get some review of the stages of labor and also on breathing techniques.  It was a bit long, though, and DH was dying.  But we managed to be naughty students and crack ourselves up throughout. 

Okay, I am starving (again) -- time to get some grub!

TMI: ~35w

Had a dr's appointment yesterday -- had to wait an HOUR, and this was in the morning, rather than the usual late afternoon, after work.  Boo. 

Baby boy is quite variable in his movement -- two nights ago, I thought I was done -- that I should stop working on the nursery and that it was over.  I felt nothing ALL DAY and not until midnight did I feel something.  Whereas, some nights, I would feel some movement earlier on.  And the doppler my friend lent me doesn't always find the heartbeat and/or the beat isn't very strong or consistent.  Unlike the dr's doppler which finds the beat on the first try and it's very loud and consistent.  So that doesn't help either.  Really hard not to be paranoid and worried -- I've heard so many horror stories both from people first-hand and over the blogosphere... (though, thankfully, no one is offering them up to me right now, except for my mom a while back).

The latest thing, though, is TMI -- I feel like I STINK down there.  I definitely cannot get away with not showering for one day.  I know some discharge is normal and it's not like I'm leaking non-stop (like leaking amniotic fluid).  The dr said maybe with the heat and all, that makes things worse.  But she swabbed me for yeast, BV, gardnerella (in addition to Group B Strep) etc and it all came back negative.  She said she didn't notice anything funky when she did my examination, but then again, she said, "I smell this all day long."  LOL!  OMG, I thought I was going to die.  Anyhow, I just feel nasty.

Otherwise, all is well.  Slowly chipping away at the nursery and coming across old cassette tapes (including one of me playing piano from 1985!!), laptops the size of phone books, etc.  Trying to deal with crap that we have put off dealing with for at least a decade.  It feels good, but it's slow-going.  Again, SO thankful to have the time to deal with this.  Speaking of, it's time I stopped procrastinating and got to work!

~34 weeks

Well, DH's job situation is, indeed, as we feared.  He has since applied for a few positions (though not even close to his previous salary), but we do have enough buffer to cover us for me to work PT after baby.  We'll see how it goes.  It's still painful, but the sting has subsided.  Potentially, he may work PT for his old boss too, depending on whether things kick in with a new client.

Regarding my pregnancy, it's simultaneously hard to believe that it's already almost 34 weeks and yet, I can't believe that there are still (if all is on schedule) 6 weeks to go.  Physically, I am pretty uncomfortable.

In trying to sleep on my side, I put my arm under the pillow and then I wake up in the middle of the night with the entire limb completely numb.  Yikes!  It also happens with my entire leg after sitting in certain positions.  It's also tough to get comfortable when sitting.  I breathe hard just sitting in place!  : )  It's very weird to feel so awkward and unwieldy when there's still a good chunk of time left.  I'm very thankful to not be working right now.

I'm also constantly hungry, even right after dinner.  My weight gain is probably at 30ish lbs (but I was +10 over my normal weight to start with with all the back and forth with IUIs, IVF, etc).  I gained 3 lbs in the last 2 week stretch between dr's appointments, which is a bit fast/steep.  I try to stick to healthy things like fruit, peanut butter on whole wheat bread, etc., but do have sweets once in a while.

As far as movement goes, it still seems not super-consistent, but the nocturnal schedule is constant.  Some nights, he moves a lot, some, not so much.  I'm thankful to be borrowing my friend's doppler for occasional check-ins.  Occasionally, it feels like my guts are being stirred around.  Or someone is punching my cervix.  When I'm getting into odd positions, like squatting to reach something, I sort of feel like he's going to drop right out, due to the pressure I feel.

And right now, my fingers are like tight sausages typing...  I think mother nature has all this in place so women aren't wanting to be pregnant forever... (as some women enjoy their pregnancies so much).

Though I'm excited to have the baby, I'm also glad to have some time still to prep... we have been working hard (and now that DH is not working, he is around to help more, silver lining, I suppose) on getting DH's new office set-up and getting going on the nursery.  I'll post before and after pics when we're done.

Okay, gonna watch a bit more junk TV and then hopefully, will get a good night's sleep (the multiple wakings per night to pee has started!!!).

Feeling Sick

No, not in the health/medical sense.  Today, we were blindsided and stunned to find out that DH will most likely lose his job.  His boss is pretty crazy and extreme and is very doomsday in general.  Admittedly, he made some minor mistakes, but as a whole, the health of the company is good and they are headed for success.  But being chicken little, she sees things as negative and disastrous.  This is especially tough (aside from baby being due in 8 weeks) because prior to this year of employment, DH was unemployed for a year.  And at his age and stage in his career + the shitty economy, it's not so easy to find a job. 

I'm trying to stay strong for him and I do believe in my heart, that things will work out one way or another.  But, I had to have an outlet for this... it's still really a huge bummer.  And right now, I'm also adjusting my mindset to go back to work full-time after maternity leave.  The original plan was to go back 0.6 time. 

Sigh.  I'm trying to be thankful and grateful for what we have like our health, each other, etc.  Plus, there is a horrible forest fire in Colorado (about 40 miles away) where people are losing their homes or they have no idea what their fate will be. 

So, things could be worse, but my heart/mind remain heavy.  Here's hoping things turn around...

Housecleaning: Ditching the Drugs

IVF Drugs for Sale!

I've been gun-shy about doing this earlier because I didn't want to "curse" myself.  At this point, however, I am starting to get into nesting mode and just want to get my old piles and crap cleaned up.  And if the sh** should hit the fan with this pregnancy, I have other things to worry about besides whether or not I still have drugs to use for another cycle.  Sorry if you think this is uncouth, but I had to pay for everything in my cycle out of pocket, so would love to recoup anything possible.

[Shipping costs included for all.]

Vivelle Dots - 3 unopened boxes of Vivelle 0.1 mg "dots."  Each box has 8 dots/patches.  I have an additional box with 5 patches out of 8 left (unopened).  Expiration Date: 07/2013.  I paid about $65 per box.  I will charge you $40/box and throw in the extra 5/8 box for free. 

Menopur - 3 vials of 75 IU single-dose Menopur.  Includes 5 vials of sodium chloride diluent.  I paid $210, will sell for $100.  Includes Q-caps and needles.

Endometrin - progesterone vaginal insert, 100 mg.  17 unopened inserts.  I paid $115 for 21.  Will charge $50.  Includes unopened applicators.  Expires October 2012.

Follistim - AQ Cartridge 900 IU.  Unused/unopened and stored in the fridge from the get-go.  I paid $782 for one of these puppies.  Pen included, if you need and microneedles.  Will sell for $300 and ship overnight on ice.

Almost 31...

Ha, wish that title described my age too!  Went to the ob/gyn yesterday -- except for waiting almost an hour to see her (par for the course), all was good/smooth.  Heartbeat was good, strong and LOUD (even on the lowest volume on the doppler).  I felt a lot of movement last night, stronger than ever, which was cool.  But I'm all paranoid because I accidentally ended up on my back for most of the night's sleep... still waiting for baby boy to announce his presence today.  My doctor is so wacko -- she told me that the Strep B culture was going to be done at the next appointment (in 2 weeks, they take a swab of your "other hole"...).  I said, "Won't that be unpleasant with the hemorrhoids?"  Because I'm definitely experiencing them to the max... She said very cheerfully, "It might be for you, but it won't for me!"  Hilarious.

I've been working up a storm at school to prep things for my maternity leave.  I am about 95% done... unfortunately, my sub seems to be a bit high maintenance and I worry that she won't leave me alone.  So many questions, wants to do so much in advance.  Sometimes you just gotta cross that bridge when you get to it.  At least she's competent, though...

Next on tap, is my exams for Board Certification, which I gotta study for.  Gag.  How do you study for something when you have no idea what they're going to ask you?  (It's 6 essay questions and you only know the topic in a very general sense, it could be anything though).

THEN, it'll be nursery, full-on nesting time!  I cannot believe that I'm on the home stretch and what surrealness awaits.  It was another time/world when DS (now 6) was an infant.  I hope what they say is true, that #2 is easier.

For now, we've got a family weekend getaway (just driving a few hours away) that I've got to pack for -- will be good to have quality fam time and no chores to do. 

Have a good weekend, all!

Almost 29 weeks...

First order of news, is that I passed the 3 hour glucose tolerance test.  Phew.  Back to gorging on crap.

Secondly, I now get to go to the ob/gyn every two weeks, which is sweet.  It's nice to check-in and have that reassurance that everything is going okay.

Thirdly, I just want to say, what in the hell are people thinking when they say, "You're HUGE!"  Thankfully, those comments are balanced out with people saying, "You look great!"

Finally, nothing has melted my heart more lately, than my DS touching my belly, feeling movement with an expression of awe and happiness on his face.  Sigh.  Cannot wait for them to meet.

28 weeks

Yesterday, I had my 3 hour glucose test -- I figured that arriving to the lab at 8 am would give me plenty of time to make it to my shower by 1 pm.  Boy, was I wrong!  First of all, even though I arrived at 8:05 am, I didn't get my first blood draw til 8:40 am.  This is all before drinking the glucola.  THEN, we had to wait for the results of that draw before continuing on... An hour later, I drank the glucola and then it was 3 hours from THEN before I would be done.  So a 3 hour test was 5 hours.  I started fasting from midnight (ate heartily at 11:45 pm) and missed breakfast and lunch.  I was so dizzy, grumpy and out of it... I had DH sneak me out to shower/get dressed for the shower (so confusing, shower/shower) -- technically you are not supposed to leave the premises, but the phlebotomist didn't say anything when I came back wearing different clothes w/ wet hair.  Not sure when I'll get my results... but not fun.  I definitely have a lot more empathy for people who (due to unforeseen circumstances, disaster, hardship, whatever) have not eaten for days.

Today marks 28 weeks exactly and according to some sources, the beginning of third trimester.  It's amazing to me how quickly time has passed and how surreal to be at this place with a baby inside me.  I am very thankful.  At the same time, I fight a daily battle to brush away negative thoughts.  Recently reading an article in the paper about IVF/ICSI-conceived (which we did do - ICSI) babies have a greater risk of birth defects did not ease my mind.  I've got 9 school days left and a ton to do before then (I'm at school right now), so that will definitely occupy my time/mind and then there's a ton to do to get ready for Baby.  I'm figuring that despite my 8/5 due date, that I should be ready at least 2 weeks prior, since DS was 2 weeks early.

I'm sure today is a bittersweet day for many of you, who are yearning to be mothers yourselves.  I wish you peace and I'm hopeful that someday soon this day will be more sweet than bitter for you.

27w2d

So today I got the news from my doctor's office that my glucose levels are slightly high and that I need to do the three hour gestational diabetes test.  This happened to me with DS where I failed the first test and passed the long test.  The bummer is you can't leave the premises during the 3 hours... so it's torture, plus the fasting from 12 am to 12 pm is no fun.  Hopefully, I do not have gestational diabetes...

Otherwise, I'm getting close to the 28 week mark, which some resources designate as the start of the third trimester.  Time has definitely flown.  There are about 12 school days left, so I'm focused solely on that for the time being and then I will go into full-blown nest mode.  Although, I sort of have been nesting a lot already.  Have done a lot of organization at school (with lots more to do, to pave the way for my long-term sub) and am also in the process of updating one of our bathrooms.  So far, I have refinished and painted the vanity, changed the hardware and replaced the countertop and faucet.  Just have to finish some of the plumbing work (yes, I am doing this myself!).

Some fun things too have recently occurred/are on the horizon -- the parents in my class threw me a shower and were very thoughtful to go in a group gift card (so I can get those bigger ticket items that I no longer have, since I don't need little things like clothes or anything).  The kids decorated diapers with colorful Sharpies and inscribed some sage messages in a book for Baby.  My coworker is also throwing me a shower too, soon.  Despite my protestations, everyone has insisted on the showering.  They said to just say thank you and enjoy.  : )

Symptom-wise, I'm still frequently hungry, but still haven't redeemed my cravings from DH, well I tried to the other night, but it was only for soy milk and cereal and since DH did other grocery shopping, he didn't count it.  : )  I'm not feeling the burgers so much anymore.  Despite this, I still feel huge-mongous and am worried about whether my weight gain is related to this glucose issue.  Otherwise, no totally intolerable symptoms, still have sausage feet, though compression socks help.  I'm still massively paranoid about consistent movement and the other night, was wide awake in the middle of the night trying to feel movement (like I can control it) because I hadn't felt much in a while.  I finally gave it up and of course, felt a whole bunch of movement later that morning.  It's really random.

New posting on my private blog, click here (If you'd like an invite to view, email me -- biagobaby at gmail dot com):

Hope all is well w/ everyone... will write more with the results of my 3 hour glucose test.  Blech.

Updata

24w1d

I have to admit that I'm feeling a bit of survivor's guilt (though I'll consider myself a full-fledged survivor when I have a take-home baby) and that that has impacted my posting on this blog.  I feel so bad when I read about the continuing trials and tribulations of so many women.  I try to be supportive and comment on others' blogs and hope that that is still a positive thing for those working so hard to conceive.

I don't want to drop off the face of the earth either, so here's the latest:

I feel like I'm monstrous and being 5 feet tall, I think there's less room for everything to spread out.  I just had a dr's appointment today and in one month since my last appt, I've gained 10 lbs.  Oopsie.  I'm hungry ALL the time and generally, I reach for stuff like fruit, cereal, yogurt and only have junk occasionally.  Not too different from my pre-pregnancy diet, except for the frequency and I definitely have at least another meal (like a bowl of cereal) after dinner/before bed. 

I definitely still have paranoia about the regularity of movement, but so far, so good.  Some days it seems quite substantial and other days, little to none.  My dr. reminds me that it's still fairly early on  and that the big movement is yet to come.  Today, I got to have another u/s, but still couldn't see the lip (for cleft palate) but no biggee.  Won't change anything.  Baby's fists were covering his face, so no head shot or profile shot.  The only u/s pics I have today are foot, foot, penis.  Ah well. 

I've been having some fun (now that my National Boards are done) sewing little projects here and there, gifts for others and some for baby.  Sometime, I'll post some of my handiwork perhaps.  It's nice to have more free time to do stuff I want to do/enjoy.

I had a great Spring Break trip to Vegas w/ the family, particularly since I was able to spend a lot of quality time w/ DS.  Just that time investment and attention to him (w/o distractions of work, home chores, etc) made us so much closer in such a short time.  He kept saying, "We're buddies" and snuzzling my arm and stuff when we'd hold hands.  Sigh...   Wonder how different B2 will be?

The other fun thing is that my coworker is going to throw me a shower next month.  I felt a little guilty w/ this being a second child and another boy, but she said that enough time has passed and that I should enjoy it.  She even encouraged me to register for stuff.  We have most of the big things, but we had already chucked some of the second hand stuff I got the first time around, so need a few things.  Plus w/ DS, it was pre-BPA awareness days, so want to update that stuff.  Craig's List has been amazing and I've gotten some big-ticket ideas barely used or brand-new.

Sleep is hit and miss -- definitely have insane, vivid, crazy dreams.  Some quite upsetting, so it's a relief when I wake up and realize it was not real. 

My limbs are definitely puffy and swollen from water retention and/or blood pooling.  I'm wearing DH's triathlon compression socks right now and they are amazing.  I also have orthopedic ones from DS's pregnancy too that I gotta whip out.  My calves are definitely suffering the consequences with spider veins and varicose veins.  That, along with saggy, shrunken boobs and a poochy stomach are definitely the badges of "honor" of motherhood. 

Otherwise, I'm fairly comfortable and am curious what the next 3 mos will bring.  Wishing everyone the best!

News

[20w3d]

It's official, I'm outnumbered -- it's a boy!  While we had sorta hoped for one of each and had a sliver of desire for a girl, we are still just as happy as can be.  DS is very excited too.  My dr and u/s on Monday were great.  She took her sweet time since I was the last appt for the day.  And DH really liked her too.  She's a no BS kinda person (I think I caught her on a bad day in the past).  No real good profile shots, but saw every organ and everything looked great.  I get to have another u/s in 4 weeks because she couldn't get to the lip (for cleft lip)!  Woohoo.  Also, as of the past few days, am finally feeling something (and yes, to those of you smarties, my placenta is somewhat anterior which is why it took so darn long)!  Baby was moving up a storm during the u/s so it was cool to feel and see at the same time.  We had our dr write the info on a card and seal in an envelope.  DH and I went out to a fancy dinner and opened the envelope together after the appetizer course.  We both got instantly misty.  It was a great, very exciting moment.  How often does one get to have a surprise like that?

Other than that, I'm on the home stretch with my project and can see the end in sight.  Phew.  DS is suffering a bit from my and DH's busyness these past few weeks.  : (  Poor thing.  After I send in my Boards portfolio, then taxes await.  Blech.  But then I can also focus on baby stuff/nursery!  FUN!  Also we go to Vegas in a little over a week.  Woohoo!  (DH is a triathlete and has a race there).  This week needs to go by quickly (plus I'm single mothering w/ DH on a biz trip)!

When It Rains, It Pours

[19w2d]

I admit that my problems are first-world problems, but nonetheless, I am tired and stressed.

1) Movement -- sometimes I think I feel something, but I am not sure.  I am ready for my Monday u/s to see what's up.  Having had DS, I know what movement should feel like and so far nothing really feels like those flutters.

2) Mother-in-law with mental health issues, currently in the hospital.  When you get calls at 4 am in the morning, or DH comes home at 1 am from the hospital, that does not lend itself well to sleep.  I was awake from 1 am - 4 am last night (and barely got to work before the kids were streaming into the halls).

3) National Board Certification -- this is a very intense process to become a "master teacher" and involves putting together a length portfolio of student work, 12-14 page papers, videos of your teaching, etc.  I have been working on it every weekend for the past 8 months.  It's all due at the end of this month, but my goal is to be done with it BEFORE my spring break (last week or March).  (This is in addition to my master's and regular teacher licensure).

4) Working FT -- my students are rotten this year and I'm a grumpy, impatient teacher.

5) Hiring my replacement -- after having gone through a lengthy process with my #1 choice, now she's thinking it's not the right choice for her because she wants benefits, etc.  Sigh.  Now, all I have left is a mediocre person and another woman who is about to have a baby herself, so not sure that makes the most sense (to have someone start at a new grade level, new school when they are dealing w/ a lot at home).

Here would be the perfect solution: a regular housecleaner, a personal assistant and retirement.  Wouldn't solve #2, but might make my disposition more pleasant.  Again, first world problems.

18w4d

I think it's totally irresponsible for the NP I met with two weeks ago to have said, "You'll feel movement any day now." Especially since that window for feeling movement is so varied.  I have nightmares about having a dead baby inside me and sometimes when I wake up, I'm totally paranoid and wondering if my pregnancy was my imagination.  I know I'm being dramatic, but even though all is going smoothly so far, I'm still really scared deep down.

Other than that, I'm just trying to forge ahead.  Went to a colleague's baby shower the other day.  She was adorably preggo and cleaned up on gifts.  Even though this is #2 for me, with the time that has passed since DS (5+ years -- we have a lot of stuff, but will still need some essentials) and the baby possibly being a different sex, my coworker is already talking about a shower for me.  Really surreal, but twould be really fun.

Also trying to line-up a long-term substitute and and job-share partner for the coming school year.  Have 2 good candidates.  Hope to get things nailed down soon.  I'm a planner.  Haven't quite gotten to the childcare research part yet, want to give it a bit more time... to be even more real (like after my 20 week u/s).

Really excited to work on the nursery... maybe will do a bit of that over Spring Break... and then a lot over summer vacation.

The big date is March 19 in the late afternoon -- my dr better not reschedule on me!  Feeling a combo of excitement with a bit of fear thrown in there...

Positive thoughts, vibes, spirits, etc... How do you guys get yourself to think positively???  SO HARD!

Argh...

I have to say that I'm not thrilled with my ob/gyn.  #1) As some of you may recall, she was really bitchy at my first pre-natal visit.  #2) I've had appointments rescheduled numerous times by their office and with my teacher schedule, that is really impactful.  #3) The latest is that I had my quad screen done over 1.5 weeks ago and I never heard anything about the results.  I had to call them today to find out.  Neg on Quad Screen, Neg on Hep C and Neg on anemia... so that's good, but good God, isn't it standard practice to call a patient and relay lab results?

At this point, while still early, I don't want to change doctors because there aren't that many who practice at the hospital I want to deliver at.  My former doctor (and parent at my school -- weird + not happy with my delivery experience with her) is one of the only other practices.  The only other one shares calls with my current doctor, so there is a chance I'd get her anyway (and -that- would be weird after dumping her).

Otherwise, 17w4d, waiting to feel that movement still, but otherwise, all is well. 

Just had to complain...

17w1d - The Latest

Am in the midst of trying to find someone who will take-over during my maternity leave (they will have to start out the school year, which is rather unique and not as easy as when I had DS and had a 1 month sub and then summer vacation before resuming work in August).  I've already had two people commit and then bail.  Argh!  Definitely need to find someone who is not in search of greener pastures.  After my leave, my hope is to work 3 days/week and job-share with that person.  I just want to get the logistics hammered down so I don't have to deal with them anymore.

Am nervous because I'm not yet feeling movement.  At my dr's appointment last week, I was told that I should feel movement any day now.  Especially since with one's second pregnancy, you're supposed to feel movement sooner than with the first.  Having to wait til the next appointment is so hard... but we've already make a reservation at a nice restaurant in town for date night, to do the "big reveal" for the baby's sex.

Other than that, still have a cough (3 weeks now) and poor DS has it now too.  Still craving fruit, so that helps with constipatory tendencies.  My belly is increasing in size, but seemingly at a reasonable rate.  Clothing is still tricky because I feel like my pants are falling down (and I constantly have to tug at them) with maternity ones and my regular pants are just not possible (as mentioned in my last post).

I did ask why we can't get u/s every week at my last appointment... the dr chuckled and said that while they are fairly certain that u/s are safe, they aren't totally sure and they want to err on the side of  caution.  Party-line/BS or the truth?  Hmmm....

Okay, going to try to hit the hay in a timely manner... exhausted (from sleep deprivation) lately.  Hope you all have a great week!

Cool & Refreshing

16w2d -- while I'm embracing this pregnancy 100%, there are still moments when I wonder if I imagined this all. I'm so very thankful for this "avocado" (according to BabyCenter) in my belly and am very excited for my family's future. Yesterday, had my monthly dr's appointment. Unfortunately, my doctor had to reschedule me twice (because of her sched), so rather than wait any longer to get in, I agreed to see the NP, who is a long-haired, long-skirted, naturally grey-haired hippie.  She was super-cool and gave me an opportunity to ask all the questions I had (all the answers to which I already knew, but it's good to get affirmation). 

My back rash is still annoying, but at this point, not totally intolerable.  Her solutions for my issues (like headache) weren't very aggressive... like aloe vera for rash and ice for my headache... so I'll try to gut it up and see how things go before I ask for anything more powerful.  Also still coughing and peeing.  Boo.

Also this past weekend, I saw an awesome prenatal massage person.  She has a cushion with depressions for your boobs and belly, so you can still lay on your belly.  Side massages aren't the same... And then for the face-up position, she has a back cushion that props you up about 45 degrees.  My ob/gyn says that it's okay to be on my back for up to 20 weeks tho.  When I'm sleeping, I try to favor my left side (not my default sleeping position), but I also do my right and back still. 

My belly is definitely increasing in size, but the feeling is as if I'd just hit some sort of all-you-can-eat buffet.  Apparently, the movement is supposed to happen soon... can't wait.  Maternity pants are a bit big still and my old pants need to be worn w/ a belly band (which I don't love because stuff rides around).  My favorite is elastic sweat pants and PJ pants.  Wish I could wear those to work (we do have PJ days here and there, but it's hardly a regular event).

To address my post title -- I've totally been craving fruit, fruit juice, frozen yogurt and sorbet.  My coworker is convinced that this means I'm having a girl (I did crave hamburgers with DS).  And after eating like a hog and said hamburgers during first trimester, I'm no longer having hog-like, hamburger urges.  My 20 week ultrasound (will find out sex!!) is on March 19... woohoo!

Okay, grocery shopping awaits.  Fruit, fruit juice and fruit popsicles are on the list.

Almost 15 weeks and Still Leaking

15 weeks tomorrow.  Still surreal.  Wish I had a doppler to check things out from time to time, but ah well.  My burning sore throat is gone, yippee, but the coughing and leakage still exist (though less frequently, thankfully).  Now DS is sick with something different -- like a stomach bug.  He's the king of puke... so he's overdosing on cartoons right now, you get whatever you want if you're puking up everything that enters your body.  Hope today will be pukeless.

Haven't taken any belly pics yet, but will probably so do soon.  Meanwhile, this is the most creative and cute video ever.  Also, that mom has got a slammin' bod, which did not seem impacted whatsoever by a baby.  Hmmph!

http://vimeo.com/30039206

This week, I have an ob/gyn appointment (it's been a month since the last one already!!) and I scheduled it during a long planning period in the morning.  Hopefully, the wait time will be zero and I can be back at work in time. 

New symptom -- extreme itchiness on my back, all over.  I'm having a hard time not scratching, but I'm afraid I've drawn blood in numerous places.  I had a bad rash w/ DS too when he was in-utero, it's called PUPPS, but usually on the belly.  Right now, it's not intolerable, but I feel like a wild animal who needs to scratch its back on a tree sometimes...

Not too much to report, not too exciting... hopefully, I can have a productive Saturday today.  Hope you all have a great weekend!

Pissing Myself

Yes, you got that right -- I'm on my third pair of underwear today.  Why???  My strep throat has not improved (was it a false positive?) after my third day on antibiotics and now, I have a horrendous cough that isn't helped by Robitussin DM (on the approved list of drugs) or anything else, really.  And coughing = uncontrollable pee leakage.  And either I've been incontinent all along and didn't really realize it (I know things down there have weakened w/ DS, but this is insane!) or this is a symptom.  Okay, I just checked Dr. Google, and it is indeed.  It does help when I grab myself, but not really a viable solution at work...

Anyway, I got barely any sleep last night because of my cough and I'm really tired of being sick (7 days already).  : (  WTF?  I thought strep was the absence of a cough?  Dr. Google does state individuals with experiences similar to mine, but not a whole lot of other info.  I want to know when my suffering can end.

I'm now 14w1d and I guess this is officially second trimester.  I'd like to feel good like I'm supposed to at this time.  As of today, I'm out to my students and their parents, but not on Facebook (not sure when that'll happen).  Some of my good friends who aren't local don't know yet... but w/ B2, it's not like it warrants a phone call or anything.  Also not everyone knows we went the fertility clinic route.

Hopefully, the next time I post, I'll be feeling better.

I Hate Pharmacies

After several days with the worst sore throat ever, I took matters into my own hands and self-diagnosed with the help of Dr. Google.  A visit to the Walgreens clinic (bec it's the weekend) confirmed that I had strep.  So since I was already at Walgreens, I thought I'd just fill my antibiotic prescription there.  They said they'd call my name when it was ready.  After sitting and waiting for a REALLY long time, I finally went up and asked when it'd be done.  They're like, "Oh it's done."  Then I find out that (I had forgotten as well) that Walgreens no longer works w/ my insurance and I wasn't about to pay full price when I could get the drugs for $5 otherwise.  They said I could go anywhere else and request that it be transferred.  So I went across the street to the grocery store and requested that.  They said an hour.  After an hour, they said we haven't gotten a hold of Walgreens yet.  It'll be 20 more minutes.  Finally, I was like f**k that sh**, I'm going home.  I had the prescription transferred to Costco where DH is going to get some provisions -- let's hope the 3rd time is a charm.  It shouldn't take 5 hours to get a simple prescription filled... AUGHHHH!  I want the drugs so I can start feeling better... but I keep having to wait and I'm sooooo frustrated.

I also hope that DH and DS don't get this from me...

EDIT: Got my drugs!  Just took one and my frown is turning upside down.  Costco dealt with the whole thing in like 30 minutes tops (from the time I called them).  Even though they just put up their closed sign (for lunch) they still processed everything for me.  I'm just going to drive the extra 10 minutes to save the several hours of headache in the future.  Sheesh.

13w5d

I <3 coffee! (supposed to be name of post, but for some reason I cannot publish these specific characters -- sometimes I hate blogger).

After a fitful night of sleep -- with a headache (same as 36 hour one last time) and a sore throat plus a phone call at 4something am (to confirm a snow day -- woohoo!!!!), I was determined to make a change this morning.  After abstaining from coffee for who knows how long, I decided to indulge myself.  I had a 1/2 cup of 1/2 caf coffee and sweet baby Jesus, it was DELICIOUS.  I figure I'm well into my first trimester, if not my second, so what the hell.  Besides:

http://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20100721/moderate-coffee-drinking-ok-in-pregnancy

In other news, I told my coworkers who were already speculating and gossiping all over the place (everyone was really sweet and happy for me), I guess I'm showing in a significant way (much sooner than before, but with the existing extra inches, no wonder). My butt and belly feel gigantic to me... I always change into elastic waistband pants as soon as I get home from work.  I haven't broken out the maternity clothes yet, but did get some new stuff for my b-day (the other day), which is fun.  My old stuff doesn't look too dated, so those should be usable.  Wearing the Bella band w/ my pants WAY open and also sticking to lots of stretchy skirts.  I had to videotape a lesson that I was teaching the other day (for National Board Certification -- bleck, what an unfun process) and when I watched the footage, I was quite stunned by how much junk I had in the trunk.  Ah well...

I'm ready to start feeling movement, because I do still feel anxious about what's going on in there.  And monthly visits to the ob/gyn hardly seem sufficient.

Symptom-wise, I'm enjoying constipation and hemorrhoids, TMI, but it's a fact.  The wooziness is definitely subsiding (YAY!) but is still present, hints of it here and there.  With my sore throat, I'm definitely having trouble sleeping and DH has been complaining of my horrific snoring.

Don't I sound sexy?  : )

Sweet, Sweet DS

Even though we had no intention of evicting DS from his room (his bedroom is the only other one aside from ours on the main floor of our house), today, DS voluntarily offered to share his room with the baby.  I said that the crying might disrupt his sleep, but that we'd certainly appreciate using a corner of his room for baby stuff so we didn't have to always schlep to the basement (where the baby room will be, finished basement, lest you think we are relegating B2 to a dungeon.  And we do plan to do have some sort of video monitoring system).

At dinner tonight, too, DS melted me when he was talking about how he'd help out:

"If you and daddy are both working on the computer and there is a spider and the baby is crying, I could get a tissue and kill the spider."

Nevermind that he has actually never done that on his own and always screams "spider!!!" whenever he sees one, but the sentiment still touched me.  : )

Leave IVF Alone!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/gingrich-vows-to-ban-embryonic-stem-cell-research-questions-in-vitro-practices/2012/01/29/gIQAIO9saQ_story.html?tid=pm_politics_pop

Ugh... Newt and government needs to stay out of IVF, including dealing with leftover embryos.

13 Weeks!

Today marks 13 weeks.  I'm so confused as to when second trimester begins.  There are like three different dates according to http://www.ivf.ca/fet5dayduedate.php.  Development, gestation and conception.

Starting to tell more and more people and it's still super weird.  Still haven't told my dad (I'm not very close to him)!  I just still feel weird about it -- it's still kind of surreal.  Of course, I am happy and excited too...

A couple days ago, I went to my first trimester screening.  It was nice to have another ultrasound and see the baby markedly bigger than before.  The tech didn't say anything about the sex of the baby so I didn't ask.  The doctor mentioned a new screening (blood test) that just came out in Oct 2011:

http://www.sequenomcmm.com/home/health-care-professionals/trisomy-21/about-the-test/

Apparently, it's way more detailed than the old blood test and it actually looks at the fetal DNA which is floating around in the mother's blood.  If my risk factor is currently 1 in 300 for Down Syndrome, then a negative test changes the risk to 1 in 14,000 (if I remember the figures right).  The test is supposed to be 99.1 or 99.9% accurate.  So I went ahead and did it.

Supposed to have results for the nuchal translucency scan and the blood test in a week.

Until then, I am anxious for the nausea to die down.  I still felt a bit blecky tonight, maybe tomorrow will be the turning point.

Not ready for Monday!!!  Will tell coworkers on Thursday though...

New private post

To be added to the list of readers, email me at biagobaby@gmail.com.

Link here:  http://biagobaby2.blogspot.com/

I miss you Advil.

12w1d.  Told DS over the weekend.  It was horribly anticlimactic and taught me a lesson.  Less is more.  I tried to make it special.  I put a baggie of baby things (mostly DS's old stuff, which I've saved) and a newborn diaper (forgotten how SMALL -- practically a maxi pad!) together and we set-up the video camera and told him we wanted to tell him something and we thought it'd be fun if it were a puzzle.  He took all the stuff out and was totally blank.  We said, "You're a kindergartner, you're a gymnast, you're a son, etc. etc. now you're going to be something else too!"  Blankness.  Finally, we just said it outright.  And he said, "Again?"  "Um, no, it's not like this happens all the time and dude, you weren't aware when it was you... so..."  Later, he said he had a clue (but not before that moment) but that he just didn't want to say it.  Moments later, he was chanting, "I'm going to be a big brother!  I'm going to be a big brother!"  So he just needed some time for the news to percolate.  He's also excited to find out whether it's going to be a boy or girl (he is rooting for boy).  Told MiL too, she said, "I've known since Christmas!"  She just knew, she said.  I asked if it was because I was a super porker/super flatulent.

About the Advil -- I've had a couple headaches since my BFP status that have been awful.  Usually, they are tension headaches and I can feel the source clustering on one of my shoulders.  Anyway, nothing helps -- Tylenol does diddly squat.  In the past, Advil would help.  A massage probably would though... but that's a pricey solution and requires a lot of finagling of the schedule.  So it's currently been 24 hours of headache with no relief.  Boo (yes, complaining, but not ungrateful).

Also still experiencing nightly wooziness... hopefully, it'll go away in about a week.  I'm counting 13 weeks as making the benchmark, not 12...

Hope everyone has a great week!  I'm ready to be retired or just really wealthy.  : )

My DH, the Poet

Very revealing of what DH is putting up with...

A night of wind blowing
Cozy we are
as if it were snowing
a meal of chicken (as good as steak)
under the covers
It's your wind that will break.

The Latest -- 11w2d

Had my bonus ob/gyn appointment today -- as usual, I had to wait about an hour.  If I had a flexible schedule, I would go earlier in the day or earlier in the afternoon, when she isn't so behind, but I don't have that option as a teacher, unless I blow my annual leave time (which I need to save for maternity leave) for a substitute teacher.  Anyway, it's okay, as I do appreciate that I am never rushed and you get all the time that you want.  Also, today, she was back to her sane, kind, normal self.  Phew.

Dr. R followed up on some things she noticed in my chart from CCRM and confirmed my due date from them, which is 8/6/12.  The ultrasound was also on my belly, NOT transvag -- woohoo!  I asked about the spotting and she said she wasn't worried about it.  The gummy bear now looks like Mr. Peanut -- I have not posted, because the u/s pics aren't great -- and definitely has increased in size.  She also pressed on my belly (which just feels like belly to me) and said that my uterus is growing nicely.  HR is consistent at 161.  So this visit, which was definitely a courtesy/extra one, was very reassuring.  Without the movement yet, who knows what the heck is going on there???  It's reassuring, too, to know that my growing belly isn't all just hamburgers.  Though my ever-widening butt certainly feels like it.

I mentioned that given how well things are going, perhaps I should go ahead and tell people and Dr. R concurred.  She couldn't believe that we hadn't told MiL yet, but she guessed that I had already told my mom.  She chuckled at that.  So now DH and my plan is to tell DS on Friday and then we will see MiL on Saturday and have him tell her that he's going to be a big brother.  : )  Otherwise, I was going to be uber-conservative and wait til 13 weeks.

Next week I have the first trimester screen, so more u/s!  But then no more til 20 weeks, poo.  And not another appointment for another month.  C'mon, who wants to go in on an u/s machine with me??

My Savior: Fruit & Juice Bars

Still feeling regularly nauseous, especially in the evening.  I bought some Kroger (house brand) fruit popsicles the other day (I think about 80 calories) and they totally do the trick to temper the nausea.  It's cold, sweet and somehow tricks my brain and body.  Unfortunately, the bar is not quite big enough to deal with an entire evening's worth of nausea and I don't think it wise or that I would want to eat more than one in a sitting.  Next time I'm at Costco, I'm going to try to find a monster pack of them, because 6 per box won't cut it.

Thanks to all of you who emailed to read my private post.  I feel bad, in retrospect, about my uber-salty language and hope it did not offend you, or even worse, cause you to stop following my potty-ness.  I did make some minor edits, so anyone else who reads, hopefully won't be sickened.  : )

Okay, time to stop procrastinating and make the most of DS's playdate and get some work done.

PS.  I notice that Blogger now allows replies to comments.  I have since disabled Disqus and now all my old comments are from me.  : (

11 weeks!

I've made it another week.  This week, though, did include some light spotting.  Always light brown in color and not accompanied by any other symptoms.  Also, sporadic.  I can't help but be paranoid about my hormone levels (see last post) though the CCRM nurse said all was fine.  I didn't call the dr's office or anything -- based on what I've read in books and from Dr. Google, it's quite normal for first trimester.  Tell me, ladies, that this is so!  Tomorrow, I have a courtesy u/s at my ob/gyn.  I'm a little scared of her now and scared to ask questions, for fear of her snapping at me.  This fear is not unfounded, as my friend who also sees the same ob/gyn was recently bitched out by said doc and treated (in my opinion) in a very over-the-top and unprofessional manner.  So I have my concerns and have started researching other ob/gyns.  Unfortunately, where I want to deliver (specific hospital) does not have a ton of ob/gyn options... so I may have to change hospitals (so, am planning to attend a hospital tour even though I'm barely showing -- I hope the other "tourees" don't think I'm a freak, just trying to find a doctor everyone!).

The rest of my post is private and if you email me at biagobaby@gmail.com (please do email me), I'll add you to the list of readers (especially if you are already a follower and/or a fellow IFer).

Here's the link:

http://biagobaby2.blogspot.com/

10w1d - Latest Blood Test Results

Had my final blood test at CCRM this morning, upon my request.  Results are as follows:

Estradiol - 1638
Progesterone - 18.9

I don't really know how to interpret the numbers, other than the particular nurse who called me (who I've never spoken to before) said they just want the progesterone to be over 5 and that the numbers look good.  5 -- that's it???  I don't get it... at 8-9 weeks, it was supposed to be over a certain number like 20.  Is it because of where I am in the pregnancy and that I'm off drugs? 

Dr. Google didn't really provide very clear-cut info either.

I did have some light spotting too this weekend, which I hear is normal and rather than open Pandora's Box and consult Dr. Google, I'm just going to trust that it is normal since it didn't accompany any other symptoms and eventually stopped.

Anyhow, that's the latest.  Still nervous, but if the experts say it's okay, then I guess it's okay!

9w6d

10 weeks tomorrow, which according to what I've read is a bit of a milestone in itself, before numbers end up being solidly in our favor after 12-13 weeks.  I've been thinking about my experience with my ob/gyn and DH thinks maybe I walked in with craploads of knowledge (from having gone through IF, CCRM, IVF, etc) and the ob/gyn maybe was getting defensive.  She didn't know much about the drugs I was taking, IVF, etc. and maybe I just came on too strong?  At any rate, you all have been great with your advice and I will give it another go before I potentially switch docs.

DH has been really awesome and excited lately (esp for "coming out of the closet" which coincides with my 37th birthday.  Ahhhh, advanced maternal age... ).  I've got another u/s appointment with the ob/gyn in about a week and a half and also my first trimester screen has been scheduled for later this month too.  So I've been lucky to have regular ultrasounds spaced out thus far.  OH!  And I self-advocated and pushed for another E2/progesterone blood check at CCRM and they said yes, so I'm doing that on Monday morning.  Yay.  I just wanted peace of mind.  (Yesterday was my last endometrin insert...)

DH also left a sweet poem on my nightstand the other evening:

A preternaturally sensitive nose,
objecting to even the sweetest rose,
and eating a burger
with gustatory fervor,
makes me happy for reasons nobody else knows.

FYI: My sense of smell is definitely heightened.  I woke up one morning at the crack of dawn when DH was up and I felt like something was burning.  It was just coffee.  His deodorant, which I usually don't mind, I cannot stand and have asked him to stop using.  I almost puked the other day taking out the compost as it smelled like feces to me.  I stopped using my hair conditioner because the smell was way too strong...

First Ob/Gyn Appointment - 9w3d

Overall, I would say my assessment of the appointment is mixed.  My ob/gyn was not as cool and magical as I'd remembered her to be.  Maybe because I haven't seen her in over a year and she didn't really know who I was.  Maybe too it was late in the day and I annoyed her by mentioned "the Internet" one time too many (but when she asked me how I knew about NT scans, that's the honest answer).  A couple times when I asked her questions, "She said, I don't have that figure memorized.  If I had known you were going to ask that, I would have looked it up before I came in."  (about miscarriage rates -- which having had one, I'm nervous about -- jeez).  "I'm not in that field.  If I had studied that, I would be practicing that now."  (basically saying that I should direct that ? to my RE, who I don't see anymore... SORRY!).  So it was weird.  BUT, she let me take as long as I needed and it was a long visit.  She also does the u/s herself and really let me watch the baby for a long time.  Heartrate was 161, lower, but I'm assuming fluctuations are normal.  She also pounded on my stomach (practically) to wake it up and so we got to see the gummy bear dance a bit.  Even though the aforementioned put me off a bit, she did offer to assuage my nerves by letting me have another u/s in two weeks.  So I appreciate that.  It's so weird when at CCRM you are there all the time and they monitor every little thing to now be so isolated and on your own for so much of this.  Just a waiting game now.

In other news, I am wearing a belly band for the first time.  Mostly because my pants (having gained 10 lbs this year) were already on the verge of not fitting before the BFP.  So between my prenatal hamburgers and those 10 lbs, I can barely wear anything except for elastic waistbands comfortably.  I don't feel right digging out my old maternity clothes yet and who knows how dated and sketchy those look (being from 6 years ago).  The jeans are probably light colored.  : )  Anyway, I am feeling good, down to my one endometrin per day (with Friday being the last day) and am wearing just a single Vivelle patch, which is the last one.  Really nervous about the wean with no monitoring.  I asked my ob/gyn about that and she said they don't monitor progesterone and estradiol and that I should just trust Dr. G or ask for a consult.  I was hoping that they could squeeze that in among all the other bloodwork I have to get done.  Poo.  I'm tempted to bug/beg CCRM for one last blood test.

I'm also ready to start telling people, but I'm definitely going to stick to 13 weeks to tell coworkers, FB friends, etc.  I'm just really excited to tell DS and other family members, but mostly DS. 

Okay, gotta get back to work.  Hope 2012 is off to a great start for everyone!

Pre-natal Hamburger

As some of my readers from way back may remember, I've recently discovered Five Guys.  Having grown-up on the West Coast, I've always been an In-n-Out Hamburger fan, but alas, there are none out here in Colorado.  Well, I think Five Guys fills that void!  While some may consider it blasphemous, I think Five Guys does give In-n-Out a run for their money.  Especially their fries -- which are amazing and plentiful. I've always thought In-n-Out fries were meh...

Anyway, the other night, DH and I had date night (since my mom was in town and could watch DS).  Did we go to our favorite French bistro?  No!  We went to Five Guys and our entire meal lasted maybe 40 minutes tops, including conversation.  We were home before DS' bedtime.  : )  Anyway, because I am always famished and my eyes are bigger than my stomach (natch), we ordered 3 burgers between the two of us.  I'm a little concerned about being SO hungry all the time ALREADY, because for DS, I gained 40+ lbs (on a 110 lb frame).  I'm probably +10 lbs from back then too.

Just writing about this is making me crave a burger.  Anyway, in my last pregnancy, DH said I could have one random craving request per trimester (like he would make a special trip in the middle of the night to get food).  I only redeemed two.  So I have one banked!  Not two days after our Five Guys date night, I requested another Five Guys burger.  By the time he handed me the burger, went to say good night to DS, the burger was gone.  And this was after I already ate dinner.

So, instead of a prenatal vitamin, I propose a prenatal hamburger!  If not for it being insanely unhealthy, I would be all over it!  Mmmm...