Thursday, November 24, 2011

Musings on Thanksgiving Day

Slept in and woke up to a quiet house.  DH and DS went to a Thanksgiving bike ride organized by a pro (used to be on Lance Armstrong's team) who lives in town.  But the house is a mess, so I'm procrastinating (plus did a lot of cooking over the past few days already).  I'm proud of myself for handling the 2ww (okay 9 day wait) as well as I have and only had one slumpy down day (yesterday).  Only 3 more days.  I've resisted POAS and I'm sticking to that.  I am slightly tempted after seeing others POAS daily and noticing changes, but a BFN would be really devastating and I don't want to have to grieve more than once.  At the same time, I recognize that IF is a good problem to have.  Let me explain -- I have my house, my family, DH and I are both employed.  None of us are terminally ill.  We live in a developing country with freedoms, we are not hungry.  There are awful problems to have and while IF is a pain in the ass, it's a problem of privilege.  But the 9 day wait and BFNs still SUCK!

As I become more involved in the IF blogging community, I notice the following phenomenon:  pregnancy guilt (almost like survivor's guilt).  I really wish this didn't have to happen and that others could rise above jealousy and bitterness so that women didn't have to feel guilty when they have reached that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  It's the whole point of all of our IF journeys... to get pregnant and have a healthy child.  I know what we feel is what we feel and that we cannot always help ourselves and that some people's journeys have been particularly arduous and challenging...

Okay, I get bitter when a cute coworker who it never rains on gets pregnant on her FIRST try.  I get bitter when another under-30 coworker who it never rains on gets pregnant in six months (which was an eternity for her).  I don't get bitter when an infertile who has gone through multiple IUIs, losses, IVFs, FETs, whatever, gets pregnant.  I gain hope and and I am thrilled.  Of course, I want a BFP for myself too, but pregnancy is not like a limited edition Andy Warwhol print where someone else's BFP takes away from me getting one.

So I hope all of you out there with BFPs can celebrate unabashedly on your blogs.  And that NO ONE makes you feel bad about it.  Because you deserve your happiness 100% (not a fan of the over 100% sports aphorisms.  : )).

Off to prep Thanksgiving!  Thinking of you all!

-Pork Chop (silly nickname, but I LOVE to eat, and I eat a ton for my 5' 1" size).

PS.  In the future, if you want to sleep in on Thanksgiving, try Alton Brown's butterflied turkey -- this is my first year making it.  It takes WAY less time to roast, because you cut out the backbone and smash the whole thing flat.  Definitely looks violated, but hopefully, is really yummy.


  1. I couldn't agree with you more... we're all in this together and should rejoice in each others BFPs :) I find each IF BFP such an inspiration... keeps me going on the days when I'm thinking of giving up TTC. I also agree that we're so fortunate to live in the relative affluence that we do. Happy Thanksgiving from across the globe :) xoxo

  2. Thanks for visiting my blog and by the sound of it, you are coping very well with the 2ww, I don't think I have ever coped very well quite frankly. Great post about the BFP guilt, I certainly felt it keenly and am also going to do a post about some mother guilt I am feeling right now. I hope you had a fun thanksgiving (we don't celebrate it here) and I wish you all the very best for a pot of gold at the end of your 2ww!

  3. I'm going to have to try that particular turkey some time. Sounds so much better too.

  4. I agree, and I feel very non-jealous of those in the IF community when they become pregnant. It gives me hope and I know that they will appreciate the undertaking of pregnancy and parenthood as only someone in the IF community can. I WISH I wasn't jealous of the people who get pregnant easily, but I totally am. And I hide them on facebook when they announce it. Sigh... anyway, wishing you baby dust and hoping you get your BFP!