He's Here!

August 4, 6:03 pm

My baby boy is here!  You never think you could love another child as much as you love your first, but somehow there is enough love to go around.  It's only been one day and yet, it feels like I've been loving D for a long time.

Of course, my water broke after a long day (with no nap) + late dinner party at a family member's house.  I was exhausted and half asleep on the couch when I felt a sharpe twinge and contraction at midnight.  Then I went pee and it just never stopped gushing.  I recognized this sensation and started immediately gathering my things (my bag was already 95% packed).  My dr was on call and affirmed that I should come in right away.  Woke up the hubs and then sat in the car waiting while it felt like he took his sweet time (10 minutes felt like an eternity). 

I honestly thought that I would be eating breakfast the next morning having had a baby.  However, from midnight to 6:30 am, I dilated 2 cm from 3 cm.  At some point in there, I got an epidural as the low back pain was pretty intense.  Then from 6:30 am - 8:30 am, I dilated 3 cm to 8 cm.  Then, after a whole lot of nothing, I started getting Pitocin to kick things into gear.  Lunchtime passed and I still was only at 9 cm for a long, long time.  Then, it was mid-to-late afternoon and finally at 10 cm.  I pushed and pushed and nothing was happening.  I was bummed because I felt like it was my fault bec my doctor kept telling me I was pushing in the wrong areas.  Instead of, "You can do it!" which my nurse kept saying, my doctor kept criticizing my technique.  I wasn't pushing in a sustained way.  I was pushing into the wrong areas, etc.  SO, the next step was more Pitocin and turning off the epidural.  This ended up being the worst pain I have ever felt in my life.  Baby was sunny-side up, so my low back was burning.  I was screaming and yelling like they do on TV, it was MISERY.  The reason things had gone on as long as they did (15 hours up to this point) was that I was determined to not have a c-section, which my dr supported.  After about two hours of pushing, I was done, "Get the baby out of me."  Between that decision and the actual c-section, I feel like 30 min passed.  It was amazing.  At one point, for a split second when my eyes were actually open, I saw like 9 people in the room.  I screamed and wailed as my bed was wheeled into the operating room, before the pain meds kicked in.  Then it was heaven -- the tugging and pulling of the C-section was super creepy and not totally pleasant, but nothing compared to the pain that I had been going through previously.  Then the baby was out and DH and I just started crying.  It was such a relief, in more ways than one. 

It's been 26 hours since I've given birth and I am now a free woman with the catheter out, the IV hand needle dealie-bob out, oxygen tube gone, no more vitals being checked all the time, eating real food, being able to move, etc.  I am about to take my first shower since Friday.  I am also able to walk around now... woot!

OMG, I realize I left out a KEY piece of info that explains the c-section as well... D was 8 lbs 11.4 oz!!  And I am 5' 1", originally 113 lbs.  So that was a big (ha, ha) issue.

So being that D is so big, we are having to supplement with formula every 2 hours.  His blood sugar was measuring low, so he has had to have his heel pricked every 2-3 hours since yesterday.  : (  It's now on the up and up and he just has to pass one more test, otherwise, we would have to admit him to the NICU.  : (  I have to pump every 3 hours, even though I am basically pumping dust. 

I don't understand why, evolutionarily speaking, women don't get their milk in for so long...

Anyway, I'm hoping that my milk will come in w/o any problems (I had no probs w/ DS#1, but with c-sections, I've heard scary stories) -- I really value breastfeeding and really want to be able to do it with #2! 

I'm really tired and unfocused, so hope this all makes sense!

Will post again when my mind is more clear!

Basically, I adore my baby and am SO thankful for him (and CCRM's help in getting him here)!

39w: No baby yet...

I was hoping that by now, we'd have met #2.  Especially because DS was 2 weeks early so as soon as it was 38w, I was anticipating labor.  Right now, my hands are puffy and my joints are sore (so fine motor skills like squeezing toothpaste are a challenge), my feet look like pillowy mini-loaves of bread and I walk like an old lady.  I also sleep horribly and am perpetually exhausted.  (Yesterday, I woke up at 8 am and took at nap at 10 am).  Didn't appreciate when last night, my BiL commented that it looked like I had two babies in me.

Didn't help either that on Tuesday, when I saw my Dr., she said I was 2.5 cm and 50% effaced, so that added to my anticipation.  I've read that women in that same position have both gone into labor right away or been in that state for weeks.  Also, very early morning on Friday, at 4:30 am-ish, I had about an hour of contractions, so that threw me off, but they were clearly irregular and temporary.  At one moment, I was like, "Darn!  Now I can't watch the Opening Ceremonies!" 

Anyway, of course, I want Baby to be fully cooked and healthy, and am very thankful to be in this position, but I'm just tired of being uncomfortable and need to gripe.  It would be nice if he came this week versus after 40weeks...

Baby -- if you can hear me, I'm ready!  We're all ready and excited to meet you and give our love to you! 

Okay, ice baths for my feet and hands await...

Home Stretch!

Technically, I'm at 37w5d.  However, DS arrived 2 weeks early.  So things could be happening any moment now.  Nursery is done.  Hospital bag is mostly packed.  Carseat is installed.  Registered at the hospital.  Most of the big things are organized, but I still have so many things I want to organize (but in reality, it's no big deal if I don't get to my recipes -- see how obsessive this nesting can get?).  I have never done the "traditional" update, so I'm doing a variation of it this time.

Total Weight Gain: At my last appointment, I held steady at 156 lbs for over a week.  Phew.  I was probably at 120 lbs during IVF... So while I'm big for me, at least I'm not quite at Mariah Carey or Jessica Simpson levels.

Sleep: I dug out some old wrist guards from old injuries and they are helping with the arm/hand numbness.  If I didn't have to pee, I can actually sleep through the night!  I was so happy to figure this out, because I was starting to dread sleep.

Movement: Not a ton, but it's there.  At my 36w u/s, the head was confirmed to be facing down.  I get twinges here and there in my lower uterus, but not BH contractions or anything. 

Symptoms: Swollen hands and feet, particularly in the morning and night.  I have taken to soaking my feet in an ice bath (using a big canning pot) and then my hands in mixing bowls.  It's quite a sight.  Does provide some relief.  Also, hanging out in the pool while DS swims/plays has been another reliever.  My feet looked normal, which was a rare sight!  The swelling also contributes to joint pain.  It's hard to use a pen or do fine motor types of things.  Another weird/annoying symptom was that my teeth/jaw felt all out of whack for a while.  Then, things got totally misaligned and eating hurt and I couldn't bite down evenly on my teeth/jaw.  Just as I made a chiro appointment, things popped back into place upon waking one morning.  Phew.  It was a bummer when one of my biggest loves (eating) caused pain.

What I miss: Being able to move around easily.  Sleeping in any position.

What I look forward to: Meeting our new little boy!  While there is no reason to think otherwise, I am still nervous about having a healthy delivery/little baby.  But no matter what, we will love him to pieces...

Okay, on my agenda today: more organizing/puttering, some baking (we are having company tonight and tomorrow -- gotta squeeze in every last bit of socializing!!)...
I probably won't update again til the little guy makes his appearance.  Unless he's late...

Have a good weekend y'all!

Voila - the Nursery!

Starting from the right side of the room, going to the left.  Painted the ceiling and the walls (after sanding off the weird stucco texture).  Removed weird old fluorescent light fixtures and dark soffits.

Befores and afters:

Before

After

Before

After

Before - we ditched a lot of crap!!  Like old electronics...

After - I made those curtains, the artwork and painted the bookshelf, which I got from Craig's List.

Before

After - IKEA crib

Today is DH's and my 10th wedding anniversary!  Fancy French food for dinner... maybe we'll take a trip next year or do something more substantial when I'm not uber-preggo.

36.5 weeks

Thought I'd write during a moment where my hands are not aching from joint pain.  I'm experiencing the full puff of swollen-ness in my hands and feet.  Even Crocs are snug on my feet.  When I wake up, I cannot make a fist.  I also wake up several times a night with no feeling in my hands and have to shake it out.  A byproduct of the swollen hands is joint pain -- I find it difficult to write, squeeze toothpaste, etc, etc.  I feel like an old lady!  When I drive, I cannot be at "10 and 2," otherwise I lose feeling in my hands.  I have to keep my hands down low.

Yesterday, I had my 36 week appointment -- had a (way too) quick ultrasound which confirmed that the baby's head is down.  Also, I now weigh 156 pounds, which is a record for me.  4 pounds in 2 weeks!  At this rate, I will definitely crack 160. 

DH has a job interview in FL coming up, not scheduled yet.  I'm deathly afraid of having to go through labor alone... When DS was arriving, he was also in FL, but came back in time (helped that my water broke but I had no contractions so things were slow).

Also went to a refresher childbirth class this week -- it was good to get some review of the stages of labor and also on breathing techniques.  It was a bit long, though, and DH was dying.  But we managed to be naughty students and crack ourselves up throughout. 

Okay, I am starving (again) -- time to get some grub!

TMI: ~35w

Had a dr's appointment yesterday -- had to wait an HOUR, and this was in the morning, rather than the usual late afternoon, after work.  Boo. 

Baby boy is quite variable in his movement -- two nights ago, I thought I was done -- that I should stop working on the nursery and that it was over.  I felt nothing ALL DAY and not until midnight did I feel something.  Whereas, some nights, I would feel some movement earlier on.  And the doppler my friend lent me doesn't always find the heartbeat and/or the beat isn't very strong or consistent.  Unlike the dr's doppler which finds the beat on the first try and it's very loud and consistent.  So that doesn't help either.  Really hard not to be paranoid and worried -- I've heard so many horror stories both from people first-hand and over the blogosphere... (though, thankfully, no one is offering them up to me right now, except for my mom a while back).

The latest thing, though, is TMI -- I feel like I STINK down there.  I definitely cannot get away with not showering for one day.  I know some discharge is normal and it's not like I'm leaking non-stop (like leaking amniotic fluid).  The dr said maybe with the heat and all, that makes things worse.  But she swabbed me for yeast, BV, gardnerella (in addition to Group B Strep) etc and it all came back negative.  She said she didn't notice anything funky when she did my examination, but then again, she said, "I smell this all day long."  LOL!  OMG, I thought I was going to die.  Anyhow, I just feel nasty.

Otherwise, all is well.  Slowly chipping away at the nursery and coming across old cassette tapes (including one of me playing piano from 1985!!), laptops the size of phone books, etc.  Trying to deal with crap that we have put off dealing with for at least a decade.  It feels good, but it's slow-going.  Again, SO thankful to have the time to deal with this.  Speaking of, it's time I stopped procrastinating and got to work!

~34 weeks

Well, DH's job situation is, indeed, as we feared.  He has since applied for a few positions (though not even close to his previous salary), but we do have enough buffer to cover us for me to work PT after baby.  We'll see how it goes.  It's still painful, but the sting has subsided.  Potentially, he may work PT for his old boss too, depending on whether things kick in with a new client.

Regarding my pregnancy, it's simultaneously hard to believe that it's already almost 34 weeks and yet, I can't believe that there are still (if all is on schedule) 6 weeks to go.  Physically, I am pretty uncomfortable.

In trying to sleep on my side, I put my arm under the pillow and then I wake up in the middle of the night with the entire limb completely numb.  Yikes!  It also happens with my entire leg after sitting in certain positions.  It's also tough to get comfortable when sitting.  I breathe hard just sitting in place!  : )  It's very weird to feel so awkward and unwieldy when there's still a good chunk of time left.  I'm very thankful to not be working right now.

I'm also constantly hungry, even right after dinner.  My weight gain is probably at 30ish lbs (but I was +10 over my normal weight to start with with all the back and forth with IUIs, IVF, etc).  I gained 3 lbs in the last 2 week stretch between dr's appointments, which is a bit fast/steep.  I try to stick to healthy things like fruit, peanut butter on whole wheat bread, etc., but do have sweets once in a while.

As far as movement goes, it still seems not super-consistent, but the nocturnal schedule is constant.  Some nights, he moves a lot, some, not so much.  I'm thankful to be borrowing my friend's doppler for occasional check-ins.  Occasionally, it feels like my guts are being stirred around.  Or someone is punching my cervix.  When I'm getting into odd positions, like squatting to reach something, I sort of feel like he's going to drop right out, due to the pressure I feel.

And right now, my fingers are like tight sausages typing...  I think mother nature has all this in place so women aren't wanting to be pregnant forever... (as some women enjoy their pregnancies so much).

Though I'm excited to have the baby, I'm also glad to have some time still to prep... we have been working hard (and now that DH is not working, he is around to help more, silver lining, I suppose) on getting DH's new office set-up and getting going on the nursery.  I'll post before and after pics when we're done.

Okay, gonna watch a bit more junk TV and then hopefully, will get a good night's sleep (the multiple wakings per night to pee has started!!!).

Feeling Sick

No, not in the health/medical sense.  Today, we were blindsided and stunned to find out that DH will most likely lose his job.  His boss is pretty crazy and extreme and is very doomsday in general.  Admittedly, he made some minor mistakes, but as a whole, the health of the company is good and they are headed for success.  But being chicken little, she sees things as negative and disastrous.  This is especially tough (aside from baby being due in 8 weeks) because prior to this year of employment, DH was unemployed for a year.  And at his age and stage in his career + the shitty economy, it's not so easy to find a job. 

I'm trying to stay strong for him and I do believe in my heart, that things will work out one way or another.  But, I had to have an outlet for this... it's still really a huge bummer.  And right now, I'm also adjusting my mindset to go back to work full-time after maternity leave.  The original plan was to go back 0.6 time. 

Sigh.  I'm trying to be thankful and grateful for what we have like our health, each other, etc.  Plus, there is a horrible forest fire in Colorado (about 40 miles away) where people are losing their homes or they have no idea what their fate will be. 

So, things could be worse, but my heart/mind remain heavy.  Here's hoping things turn around...

Housecleaning: Ditching the Drugs

IVF Drugs for Sale!

I've been gun-shy about doing this earlier because I didn't want to "curse" myself.  At this point, however, I am starting to get into nesting mode and just want to get my old piles and crap cleaned up.  And if the sh** should hit the fan with this pregnancy, I have other things to worry about besides whether or not I still have drugs to use for another cycle.  Sorry if you think this is uncouth, but I had to pay for everything in my cycle out of pocket, so would love to recoup anything possible.

[Shipping costs included for all.]

Vivelle Dots - 3 unopened boxes of Vivelle 0.1 mg "dots."  Each box has 8 dots/patches.  I have an additional box with 5 patches out of 8 left (unopened).  Expiration Date: 07/2013.  I paid about $65 per box.  I will charge you $40/box and throw in the extra 5/8 box for free. 

Menopur - 3 vials of 75 IU single-dose Menopur.  Includes 5 vials of sodium chloride diluent.  I paid $210, will sell for $100.  Includes Q-caps and needles.

Endometrin - progesterone vaginal insert, 100 mg.  17 unopened inserts.  I paid $115 for 21.  Will charge $50.  Includes unopened applicators.  Expires October 2012.

Follistim - AQ Cartridge 900 IU.  Unused/unopened and stored in the fridge from the get-go.  I paid $782 for one of these puppies.  Pen included, if you need and microneedles.  Will sell for $300 and ship overnight on ice.

Almost 31...

Ha, wish that title described my age too!  Went to the ob/gyn yesterday -- except for waiting almost an hour to see her (par for the course), all was good/smooth.  Heartbeat was good, strong and LOUD (even on the lowest volume on the doppler).  I felt a lot of movement last night, stronger than ever, which was cool.  But I'm all paranoid because I accidentally ended up on my back for most of the night's sleep... still waiting for baby boy to announce his presence today.  My doctor is so wacko -- she told me that the Strep B culture was going to be done at the next appointment (in 2 weeks, they take a swab of your "other hole"...).  I said, "Won't that be unpleasant with the hemorrhoids?"  Because I'm definitely experiencing them to the max... She said very cheerfully, "It might be for you, but it won't for me!"  Hilarious.

I've been working up a storm at school to prep things for my maternity leave.  I am about 95% done... unfortunately, my sub seems to be a bit high maintenance and I worry that she won't leave me alone.  So many questions, wants to do so much in advance.  Sometimes you just gotta cross that bridge when you get to it.  At least she's competent, though...

Next on tap, is my exams for Board Certification, which I gotta study for.  Gag.  How do you study for something when you have no idea what they're going to ask you?  (It's 6 essay questions and you only know the topic in a very general sense, it could be anything though).

THEN, it'll be nursery, full-on nesting time!  I cannot believe that I'm on the home stretch and what surrealness awaits.  It was another time/world when DS (now 6) was an infant.  I hope what they say is true, that #2 is easier.

For now, we've got a family weekend getaway (just driving a few hours away) that I've got to pack for -- will be good to have quality fam time and no chores to do. 

Have a good weekend, all!

Almost 29 weeks...

First order of news, is that I passed the 3 hour glucose tolerance test.  Phew.  Back to gorging on crap.

Secondly, I now get to go to the ob/gyn every two weeks, which is sweet.  It's nice to check-in and have that reassurance that everything is going okay.

Thirdly, I just want to say, what in the hell are people thinking when they say, "You're HUGE!"  Thankfully, those comments are balanced out with people saying, "You look great!"

Finally, nothing has melted my heart more lately, than my DS touching my belly, feeling movement with an expression of awe and happiness on his face.  Sigh.  Cannot wait for them to meet.

28 weeks

Yesterday, I had my 3 hour glucose test -- I figured that arriving to the lab at 8 am would give me plenty of time to make it to my shower by 1 pm.  Boy, was I wrong!  First of all, even though I arrived at 8:05 am, I didn't get my first blood draw til 8:40 am.  This is all before drinking the glucola.  THEN, we had to wait for the results of that draw before continuing on... An hour later, I drank the glucola and then it was 3 hours from THEN before I would be done.  So a 3 hour test was 5 hours.  I started fasting from midnight (ate heartily at 11:45 pm) and missed breakfast and lunch.  I was so dizzy, grumpy and out of it... I had DH sneak me out to shower/get dressed for the shower (so confusing, shower/shower) -- technically you are not supposed to leave the premises, but the phlebotomist didn't say anything when I came back wearing different clothes w/ wet hair.  Not sure when I'll get my results... but not fun.  I definitely have a lot more empathy for people who (due to unforeseen circumstances, disaster, hardship, whatever) have not eaten for days.

Today marks 28 weeks exactly and according to some sources, the beginning of third trimester.  It's amazing to me how quickly time has passed and how surreal to be at this place with a baby inside me.  I am very thankful.  At the same time, I fight a daily battle to brush away negative thoughts.  Recently reading an article in the paper about IVF/ICSI-conceived (which we did do - ICSI) babies have a greater risk of birth defects did not ease my mind.  I've got 9 school days left and a ton to do before then (I'm at school right now), so that will definitely occupy my time/mind and then there's a ton to do to get ready for Baby.  I'm figuring that despite my 8/5 due date, that I should be ready at least 2 weeks prior, since DS was 2 weeks early.

I'm sure today is a bittersweet day for many of you, who are yearning to be mothers yourselves.  I wish you peace and I'm hopeful that someday soon this day will be more sweet than bitter for you.

27w2d

So today I got the news from my doctor's office that my glucose levels are slightly high and that I need to do the three hour gestational diabetes test.  This happened to me with DS where I failed the first test and passed the long test.  The bummer is you can't leave the premises during the 3 hours... so it's torture, plus the fasting from 12 am to 12 pm is no fun.  Hopefully, I do not have gestational diabetes...

Otherwise, I'm getting close to the 28 week mark, which some resources designate as the start of the third trimester.  Time has definitely flown.  There are about 12 school days left, so I'm focused solely on that for the time being and then I will go into full-blown nest mode.  Although, I sort of have been nesting a lot already.  Have done a lot of organization at school (with lots more to do, to pave the way for my long-term sub) and am also in the process of updating one of our bathrooms.  So far, I have refinished and painted the vanity, changed the hardware and replaced the countertop and faucet.  Just have to finish some of the plumbing work (yes, I am doing this myself!).

Some fun things too have recently occurred/are on the horizon -- the parents in my class threw me a shower and were very thoughtful to go in a group gift card (so I can get those bigger ticket items that I no longer have, since I don't need little things like clothes or anything).  The kids decorated diapers with colorful Sharpies and inscribed some sage messages in a book for Baby.  My coworker is also throwing me a shower too, soon.  Despite my protestations, everyone has insisted on the showering.  They said to just say thank you and enjoy.  : )

Symptom-wise, I'm still frequently hungry, but still haven't redeemed my cravings from DH, well I tried to the other night, but it was only for soy milk and cereal and since DH did other grocery shopping, he didn't count it.  : )  I'm not feeling the burgers so much anymore.  Despite this, I still feel huge-mongous and am worried about whether my weight gain is related to this glucose issue.  Otherwise, no totally intolerable symptoms, still have sausage feet, though compression socks help.  I'm still massively paranoid about consistent movement and the other night, was wide awake in the middle of the night trying to feel movement (like I can control it) because I hadn't felt much in a while.  I finally gave it up and of course, felt a whole bunch of movement later that morning.  It's really random.

New posting on my private blog, click here (If you'd like an invite to view, email me -- biagobaby at gmail dot com):

Hope all is well w/ everyone... will write more with the results of my 3 hour glucose test.  Blech.

Updata

24w1d

I have to admit that I'm feeling a bit of survivor's guilt (though I'll consider myself a full-fledged survivor when I have a take-home baby) and that that has impacted my posting on this blog.  I feel so bad when I read about the continuing trials and tribulations of so many women.  I try to be supportive and comment on others' blogs and hope that that is still a positive thing for those working so hard to conceive.

I don't want to drop off the face of the earth either, so here's the latest:

I feel like I'm monstrous and being 5 feet tall, I think there's less room for everything to spread out.  I just had a dr's appointment today and in one month since my last appt, I've gained 10 lbs.  Oopsie.  I'm hungry ALL the time and generally, I reach for stuff like fruit, cereal, yogurt and only have junk occasionally.  Not too different from my pre-pregnancy diet, except for the frequency and I definitely have at least another meal (like a bowl of cereal) after dinner/before bed. 

I definitely still have paranoia about the regularity of movement, but so far, so good.  Some days it seems quite substantial and other days, little to none.  My dr. reminds me that it's still fairly early on  and that the big movement is yet to come.  Today, I got to have another u/s, but still couldn't see the lip (for cleft palate) but no biggee.  Won't change anything.  Baby's fists were covering his face, so no head shot or profile shot.  The only u/s pics I have today are foot, foot, penis.  Ah well. 

I've been having some fun (now that my National Boards are done) sewing little projects here and there, gifts for others and some for baby.  Sometime, I'll post some of my handiwork perhaps.  It's nice to have more free time to do stuff I want to do/enjoy.

I had a great Spring Break trip to Vegas w/ the family, particularly since I was able to spend a lot of quality time w/ DS.  Just that time investment and attention to him (w/o distractions of work, home chores, etc) made us so much closer in such a short time.  He kept saying, "We're buddies" and snuzzling my arm and stuff when we'd hold hands.  Sigh...   Wonder how different B2 will be?

The other fun thing is that my coworker is going to throw me a shower next month.  I felt a little guilty w/ this being a second child and another boy, but she said that enough time has passed and that I should enjoy it.  She even encouraged me to register for stuff.  We have most of the big things, but we had already chucked some of the second hand stuff I got the first time around, so need a few things.  Plus w/ DS, it was pre-BPA awareness days, so want to update that stuff.  Craig's List has been amazing and I've gotten some big-ticket ideas barely used or brand-new.

Sleep is hit and miss -- definitely have insane, vivid, crazy dreams.  Some quite upsetting, so it's a relief when I wake up and realize it was not real. 

My limbs are definitely puffy and swollen from water retention and/or blood pooling.  I'm wearing DH's triathlon compression socks right now and they are amazing.  I also have orthopedic ones from DS's pregnancy too that I gotta whip out.  My calves are definitely suffering the consequences with spider veins and varicose veins.  That, along with saggy, shrunken boobs and a poochy stomach are definitely the badges of "honor" of motherhood. 

Otherwise, I'm fairly comfortable and am curious what the next 3 mos will bring.  Wishing everyone the best!

News

[20w3d]

It's official, I'm outnumbered -- it's a boy!  While we had sorta hoped for one of each and had a sliver of desire for a girl, we are still just as happy as can be.  DS is very excited too.  My dr and u/s on Monday were great.  She took her sweet time since I was the last appt for the day.  And DH really liked her too.  She's a no BS kinda person (I think I caught her on a bad day in the past).  No real good profile shots, but saw every organ and everything looked great.  I get to have another u/s in 4 weeks because she couldn't get to the lip (for cleft lip)!  Woohoo.  Also, as of the past few days, am finally feeling something (and yes, to those of you smarties, my placenta is somewhat anterior which is why it took so darn long)!  Baby was moving up a storm during the u/s so it was cool to feel and see at the same time.  We had our dr write the info on a card and seal in an envelope.  DH and I went out to a fancy dinner and opened the envelope together after the appetizer course.  We both got instantly misty.  It was a great, very exciting moment.  How often does one get to have a surprise like that?

Other than that, I'm on the home stretch with my project and can see the end in sight.  Phew.  DS is suffering a bit from my and DH's busyness these past few weeks.  : (  Poor thing.  After I send in my Boards portfolio, then taxes await.  Blech.  But then I can also focus on baby stuff/nursery!  FUN!  Also we go to Vegas in a little over a week.  Woohoo!  (DH is a triathlete and has a race there).  This week needs to go by quickly (plus I'm single mothering w/ DH on a biz trip)!

When It Rains, It Pours

[19w2d]

I admit that my problems are first-world problems, but nonetheless, I am tired and stressed.

1) Movement -- sometimes I think I feel something, but I am not sure.  I am ready for my Monday u/s to see what's up.  Having had DS, I know what movement should feel like and so far nothing really feels like those flutters.

2) Mother-in-law with mental health issues, currently in the hospital.  When you get calls at 4 am in the morning, or DH comes home at 1 am from the hospital, that does not lend itself well to sleep.  I was awake from 1 am - 4 am last night (and barely got to work before the kids were streaming into the halls).

3) National Board Certification -- this is a very intense process to become a "master teacher" and involves putting together a length portfolio of student work, 12-14 page papers, videos of your teaching, etc.  I have been working on it every weekend for the past 8 months.  It's all due at the end of this month, but my goal is to be done with it BEFORE my spring break (last week or March).  (This is in addition to my master's and regular teacher licensure).

4) Working FT -- my students are rotten this year and I'm a grumpy, impatient teacher.

5) Hiring my replacement -- after having gone through a lengthy process with my #1 choice, now she's thinking it's not the right choice for her because she wants benefits, etc.  Sigh.  Now, all I have left is a mediocre person and another woman who is about to have a baby herself, so not sure that makes the most sense (to have someone start at a new grade level, new school when they are dealing w/ a lot at home).

Here would be the perfect solution: a regular housecleaner, a personal assistant and retirement.  Wouldn't solve #2, but might make my disposition more pleasant.  Again, first world problems.

18w4d

I think it's totally irresponsible for the NP I met with two weeks ago to have said, "You'll feel movement any day now." Especially since that window for feeling movement is so varied.  I have nightmares about having a dead baby inside me and sometimes when I wake up, I'm totally paranoid and wondering if my pregnancy was my imagination.  I know I'm being dramatic, but even though all is going smoothly so far, I'm still really scared deep down.

Other than that, I'm just trying to forge ahead.  Went to a colleague's baby shower the other day.  She was adorably preggo and cleaned up on gifts.  Even though this is #2 for me, with the time that has passed since DS (5+ years -- we have a lot of stuff, but will still need some essentials) and the baby possibly being a different sex, my coworker is already talking about a shower for me.  Really surreal, but twould be really fun.

Also trying to line-up a long-term substitute and and job-share partner for the coming school year.  Have 2 good candidates.  Hope to get things nailed down soon.  I'm a planner.  Haven't quite gotten to the childcare research part yet, want to give it a bit more time... to be even more real (like after my 20 week u/s).

Really excited to work on the nursery... maybe will do a bit of that over Spring Break... and then a lot over summer vacation.

The big date is March 19 in the late afternoon -- my dr better not reschedule on me!  Feeling a combo of excitement with a bit of fear thrown in there...

Positive thoughts, vibes, spirits, etc... How do you guys get yourself to think positively???  SO HARD!

Argh...

I have to say that I'm not thrilled with my ob/gyn.  #1) As some of you may recall, she was really bitchy at my first pre-natal visit.  #2) I've had appointments rescheduled numerous times by their office and with my teacher schedule, that is really impactful.  #3) The latest is that I had my quad screen done over 1.5 weeks ago and I never heard anything about the results.  I had to call them today to find out.  Neg on Quad Screen, Neg on Hep C and Neg on anemia... so that's good, but good God, isn't it standard practice to call a patient and relay lab results?

At this point, while still early, I don't want to change doctors because there aren't that many who practice at the hospital I want to deliver at.  My former doctor (and parent at my school -- weird + not happy with my delivery experience with her) is one of the only other practices.  The only other one shares calls with my current doctor, so there is a chance I'd get her anyway (and -that- would be weird after dumping her).

Otherwise, 17w4d, waiting to feel that movement still, but otherwise, all is well. 

Just had to complain...

17w1d - The Latest

Am in the midst of trying to find someone who will take-over during my maternity leave (they will have to start out the school year, which is rather unique and not as easy as when I had DS and had a 1 month sub and then summer vacation before resuming work in August).  I've already had two people commit and then bail.  Argh!  Definitely need to find someone who is not in search of greener pastures.  After my leave, my hope is to work 3 days/week and job-share with that person.  I just want to get the logistics hammered down so I don't have to deal with them anymore.

Am nervous because I'm not yet feeling movement.  At my dr's appointment last week, I was told that I should feel movement any day now.  Especially since with one's second pregnancy, you're supposed to feel movement sooner than with the first.  Having to wait til the next appointment is so hard... but we've already make a reservation at a nice restaurant in town for date night, to do the "big reveal" for the baby's sex.

Other than that, still have a cough (3 weeks now) and poor DS has it now too.  Still craving fruit, so that helps with constipatory tendencies.  My belly is increasing in size, but seemingly at a reasonable rate.  Clothing is still tricky because I feel like my pants are falling down (and I constantly have to tug at them) with maternity ones and my regular pants are just not possible (as mentioned in my last post).

I did ask why we can't get u/s every week at my last appointment... the dr chuckled and said that while they are fairly certain that u/s are safe, they aren't totally sure and they want to err on the side of  caution.  Party-line/BS or the truth?  Hmmm....

Okay, going to try to hit the hay in a timely manner... exhausted (from sleep deprivation) lately.  Hope you all have a great week!

Cool & Refreshing

16w2d -- while I'm embracing this pregnancy 100%, there are still moments when I wonder if I imagined this all. I'm so very thankful for this "avocado" (according to BabyCenter) in my belly and am very excited for my family's future. Yesterday, had my monthly dr's appointment. Unfortunately, my doctor had to reschedule me twice (because of her sched), so rather than wait any longer to get in, I agreed to see the NP, who is a long-haired, long-skirted, naturally grey-haired hippie.  She was super-cool and gave me an opportunity to ask all the questions I had (all the answers to which I already knew, but it's good to get affirmation). 

My back rash is still annoying, but at this point, not totally intolerable.  Her solutions for my issues (like headache) weren't very aggressive... like aloe vera for rash and ice for my headache... so I'll try to gut it up and see how things go before I ask for anything more powerful.  Also still coughing and peeing.  Boo.

Also this past weekend, I saw an awesome prenatal massage person.  She has a cushion with depressions for your boobs and belly, so you can still lay on your belly.  Side massages aren't the same... And then for the face-up position, she has a back cushion that props you up about 45 degrees.  My ob/gyn says that it's okay to be on my back for up to 20 weeks tho.  When I'm sleeping, I try to favor my left side (not my default sleeping position), but I also do my right and back still. 

My belly is definitely increasing in size, but the feeling is as if I'd just hit some sort of all-you-can-eat buffet.  Apparently, the movement is supposed to happen soon... can't wait.  Maternity pants are a bit big still and my old pants need to be worn w/ a belly band (which I don't love because stuff rides around).  My favorite is elastic sweat pants and PJ pants.  Wish I could wear those to work (we do have PJ days here and there, but it's hardly a regular event).

To address my post title -- I've totally been craving fruit, fruit juice, frozen yogurt and sorbet.  My coworker is convinced that this means I'm having a girl (I did crave hamburgers with DS).  And after eating like a hog and said hamburgers during first trimester, I'm no longer having hog-like, hamburger urges.  My 20 week ultrasound (will find out sex!!) is on March 19... woohoo!

Okay, grocery shopping awaits.  Fruit, fruit juice and fruit popsicles are on the list.