Wednesday, December 14, 2011

I'm an idiot!

I just broke my rule of not reading new blogs and came across one where the woman lost her baby at 10 weeks, after multiple u/s of good, solid heartbeats.  Aiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!  Also, googling "rate of miscarriage after heartbeat" doesn't help either because you get stories from all over the spectrum.  I'm like a moth to a flame... and I just got burned.

Meanwhile, I continue to be perpetually woozy, which I'm trying to embrace.  I'm thankful that I don't have to actually hurl and I can pretty much go about my business, though I'd rather be lying down, watching TV, eating bonbons.  It's also weird to be simultaneously starving -- what an odd combo.  My stomach will start growling shortly after consuming a monstrous meal.  Aren't you only supposed to eat an extra 200 calories a day?  I think I'm probably at 1000 extra calories a day... I gained 40 lbs w/ DS on a low 100 lb frame, so that is substantial.  So am trying to embrace the perpetual hunger too, but not go nutsos.

Less than 24 hrs to go until the big u/s... until then, I'm going to pick up a book.  (OH, except for last night, reading before bed (Gene Weingarten's The Fiddler in the Subway), I happened upon a story of parents who accidentally killed their infant children by leaving them to cook in the back seat of their cars.  F**K ME (Sorry Rebecca @ Life of an Army Wife)!  These situations have always haunted me because it can happen to anyone.  And how can you even go on with your life?  So that was a lovely way to end my night and try to get to sleep.  W/ DH out of town for work, I immediately crawled into DS's bed and squeezed the bejesus out of him (and stayed there for a few hours before I got really uncomfortable).  Anyhoo... maybe I'll just bake or something.  That would be safe.

Do I sound like a total mess?


  1. I am going to tell your Hubby to block google and all the blogs you are not signed up for and take away your books! Go bake! I can't think of any way you can get in trouble there. Sheesh! ;)

  2. Okay, here's my advice: step away from the computer, easy, easy, that's right. Now, put down the mouse, slowly, slowly, don't make any sudden moves. Now kick it over to me.

    Phew, okay, now you need to stay away from Dr Google, so dangerous!! I was watching a show where a baby was born still born at 38 weeks when I was pregnant with JBB and I honestly nearly worked myself into a heart attack, I was then banned from the lay TV.

  3. Before my NT scan I went to a website devoted to mothers who elected to end their pregnancies due to chromosomal abnormalities and it had their little stories all over it. I knew I shouldn't be reading that kind of stuff, but it's just a compulsion. The internet is such a double-edge sword. Once I got past the NT scan 2 weeks ago, I have not looked up any scary stats on google. A milestone in itself! Don't worry, I'm sure your ultrasound will go swimmingly. I ordered a fetal doppler for $50 and that is kind of nice to have around. I don't use it often, but it feels nice to have access to it if I need to.

  4. I know what you mean I have been doing the same thing and then I tell my husband and he is like STOP it. My husband sent me this text yesterday, "Always be happy. Never stop praying. Give thanks whatever happens. That is what God wants for you in Jesus Christ." Let me tell you that is just wanted I needed to bring me back to happiness. It's hard not to worry, I know. So happy you don't have much longer to wait. Can't wait to hear about the strong heartbeat!

  5. Really good reminder! It's unproductive to worry, until you get to a point where you need to. Thanks!

  6. Funny! : ) Yeah, I could see how seeing a show like that could freak you out. It freaks me out now!!