Thursday, October 27, 2011

Worry Journey

As with with most others who are going through infertility, this journey has been a long and windy road. We are lucky to have CCRM conveniently located from our home and having friends who have traveled here just for it from big cities, convinced us that we needed to look no further. It's just one long giant waiting game. The 2WW after each IUI was tortuous, but slightly less so each time, as I let myself have less and less expectation. After getting on board with IVF the same day as our regroup with the illustrious Dr. Gustofson*, we were thinking it'd be full steam ahead. NOT. It's so crazy to me that they give you BCPs to supress your system, but those same BCPs can cause you to get cysts (because I never had them in the past and that's what the Dr. said). So even though we started IVF in late May, we haven't even really gotten off the ground yet. Two cancelled cycles, plus life plans (like travel), plus hyperstimulation from the stim drugs (which, were amazingly, no big deal with regard to symptoms and the poking and whatnot), has led to delay after delay after delay.

So I kinda feel like, well, I'm on the home stretch (or at least what I hope is the home stretch), so what's the point of starting a blog? More than anything, the blogs that I've stumbled across, have given me hope. The forums, not so much -- those are just plain frightening -- so many horrible stories/sagas too. And even though this may be the home stretch -- who knows? Besides, FET is a whole 'nother deal and so far, not the breeze I thought it'd be.

Yes, one injection per day (Lupron) is mouse nuts, compared to 3+/day. The little insulin needle is nice too and even though my husband, my brother-in-law and friends gave me 99% of the injections during the stimming, I've been doing all my own Lupron shots. I'm over it! BUT, that Lupron is sneaky. I've been constipated (lovely and TMI, but this is all about education!) and having CUHRAZZY dreams (like orgasmic**). I've also been really sweaty and hot (nurse said it's like a menopausal environment --> hot flashes) so I've been sleeping for crap too. Haven't started the Vivelle dots yet, as I'm waiting for the fake period to start after stopping the BCPs. But I've heard that that estrogen is no walk in the park...

What I'm really curious about, though, and haven't asked about yet, is those progesterone suppositories (no PIO for me, thankfully, as I've heard scary things about those too). Do you have to lie down for 20 min after each one? I'm an elementary teacher and I'm wondering how I'm going to fit that in my work day...

I'm also worried about whether I'll be able to identify my "period" after the BCPs... because sometimes it's hard to tell w/ it being literally spotty.

Is it possible to NOT be worried about anything/everything in IVF? Since you shouldn't be stoned while cycling, I'm assuming no one is, but is there anyone who is humanly capable of just being like, "Heeeeeeeeeyyyy..." about all of this?

*I also like to refer to Dr. G as "the wizard," like from the Wizard of O.Z. You hardly see him, but he is the man behind the curtain, directing you and the nurses.

**I've read freaky things about women who inadvertently orgasm during dreams after transfer and then with a BFN, blame themselves for potentially expelling their embryos!!! WTF? OMG. I'm thinking I may need to not sleep after transfer for a couple days, just in case... WHAT TO DO???!!! Granted, these dreams don't happen all that often to me, but with all the added hormones... who's to know? I've also heard of Benadryl being suggested to stop that, but apparently that does not always work. Again, too many things to worry about...

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